Anniversaries

This time of year means lots of anniversaries for Brett and I - one that's not one we want to celebrate, but a bunch that we do. All the anniversaries this year fall on the same day of the week that they did back then - pretty neat! Today was our 6th anniversary of Brett proposing! 4 weeks and 1 day after our first date (2 weeks and one day after buying my ring). We were planning on going up to Bloomington Lake and recreating that day, including a picnic lunch and pictures, but the weather did NOT want to cooperate . . . So instead we celebrated with homemade Indian food, complete with naan. Yum!

5 Years and Counting . . . .

This month - September 2014 - marks five years since we started trying to have kids. It's hard to believe how much time has passed, but harder is to think of how much longer we have to wait. We're only a little over a fourth of the way to our goal. Family and friends have generously helped us get that number up (thank you!), but we still have a LONG way to go.

One bit of good news is that there is now a fertility clinic here in Logan (more accurately, in Providence) - YAY!!! This means that we don't have to take entire days off of work to do treatments over an hour away from home. It's right between our house and where we work, which is perfect! I saw a billboard near our house saying there was a new fertility clinic, and looked it up online when we got home. We wanted to see if their costs were comparable to the clinic in Sandy, so I called the number online. They didn't answer, and it was after 5, so we figured that we would just call the next day. A couple hours later, I got a call from an unknown number, and I answered it (which is COMPLETELY out of character for me - I pretty much never answer my phone, unless I know who it is). It was the doctor calling! Not a nurse, the actual doctor! The way this clinic works is they have a PhD and an MD - the MD does the medical procedures, and the PhD does the lab work and other procedures. It was the PhD that called me. At 7:30 P.M., way after normal work hours. And then we talked for almost 90 minutes - and got charged NOTHING. Other clinics charge almost $300 for the EXACT same thing. We talked about what fertility treatments we've already done, what our plan for our next treatments was, and his recommendations. It was really cool!

Suffice it to say, we are really excited for this new clinic! Now we just need to trip over a bag of money so we can actually start treatment . . .

Tutu Pricing

I've had a few people want to order a custom tutu, so to make it easier for everyone, here's a price list and order form! Download the form, fill it out, and email it to me. We can work out payment and delivery from there :D.

Order Form

Links to Pages

A few people have mentioned that they're having trouble finding our infertility story. We made it into a separate page instead of a blog post. Here's the link to it! (As well as the links to the other pages)

Our Infertility Story

Our Love Story

Insensitive Questions/Comments

How You Can Help

"Financial Infertility"

I'm not very good at articulating exactly what I feel, but I read other blogs and articles, and I often think "Yeah, what she/he said." So a lot of the posts on here will probably be me (and Brett) posting links to posts/articles/whatever that say what we want to say. This lady articulated how we feel much better than I can. Standing Still, A Personal Story "Apparently wanting and having a child is a luxury, like plastic surgery. And that’s aggravating."

Why don't you just put it on a credit card?

Several people have asked us why we are saving for this, rather than just going into debt to get it done. We have asked ourselves the same question, and have looked at it from several angles. There are a lot of factors that come into play for a decision like this, and we really have tried to take as many of them into account as we can. I'll review a couple of them here.

The first reason is simple math. Right now, we are both working, and saving every extra penny that we can afford to save. To take out a $20,000-$25,000 loan would require a monthly payment close to or more than what we are currently able to save. Now, if we were to get that loan, and Heather were to get pregnant, we would clearly lose out on some income from her. She would not be having a baby and then coming back to work the next day. My income alone, unfortunately, is not enough to pay our expenses as they currently are. This includes such things as mortgage, student loans, food, gas, insurance... you know, bills. If we were to have her out of work for even a short time, and us with a large extra monthly payment to make, we would not be able to make ends meet at all. Also, as parents everywhere are happy to point out to us, expenses do not decrease after having a child. We would have hospital and doctor bills for the delivery and checkups. There would be expenses for baby clothing, diapers, bottles, medication.... the list goes on and on. Trust me, we hear about it all the time from parents that want us to know just how "lucky" we are to not have children yet. Anyhow, I digress. Due to our delightful (NOT) government, we wouldn't even qualify for anything to try to offset that difference for a little while. This is because I am in the unfortunate position of not earning enough myself to make ends meet, but I make more than the government's maximum threshold for assistance.


The next reason is one of personal preference and mindset. Heather has already written about the rounds of treatment that failed. Let's be honest with ourselves for a second, and admit that if we save $20,000, and go through 6 or so more months of increasingly expensive treatments, we have to keep in mind that it still might not work. In the past, when treatments didn't work, it was devastating. It's really hard to deal with on an emotional level. To add to that a several hundred dollar a month payment as a monthly reminder of what we can't have would be extremely disheartening. We would be paying on it for years, and wouldn't be able to move forward with other plans or anything like that. We have both put dreams on hold to try to make way for the biggest dream of all. To us, having a child is worth working at jobs that aren't always ideal. It is worth me not continuing my pursuit of a graduate degree or a teaching certificate or anything like that. It is worth not having toys like 4-wheelers, a fancy car, cool electronics, or other things like that. It is worth putting off things that we have always wanted to do, like cruises, travel to other countries, and all sorts of things that people we know take for granted because they don't have the same troubles as us. But I prefer to work towards a goal, rather than have to work to pay for an already failed attempt at reaching that goal. We can also earn interest on what we have saved while we continue to save, rather than paying interest on a large sum that we had to borrow.

I hope that this helps to make a little bit of sense out of why we are approaching this the way that we are. We wish we could have had a baby 4 years ago. We wish that we could have had more than one. Believe me when I say that we wish we could get pregnant tomorrow and put all of this behind us. However, we have to approach this with patience. We operate with the attitude that if it can happen, we will make it happen. So, we don't have to bankrupt ourselves doing it just yet. I'm not yet 30, and Heather is a few years younger than me. We have a bit of time. It's really hard to keep that perspective, but if we don't, it gets very discouraging. Perhaps if we save to our goal, and the Doctor thinks that we are really close, we might consider going into debt at that point to try for a few more months. Those are the kinds of things that only time will tell, and we'll cross those bridges when we get to them. In the meanwhile, having a goal set and seeing progress being made towards that goal is enough to keep our spirits up most of the time. Now that we have something to reach for, even if it is a long way off, it fuels our hope and our strength. It no longer feels like a black void of not knowing.

Mother's Day for the Infertile

This post is a little late, but it took a little while to get my thoughts together.

Mother's Day (and Father's Day) is one of the hardest holidays when struggling with infertility. I've gotten better at dealing with Mother's Day, this being the 5th one since we've been married (well, 6th, but 5th since we started trying). I don't run away from stores crying because I saw a Mother's Day card display (ok, I never actually did that, but I did avoid them), or have to switch the channel if a Mother's Day commercial comes on. I enjoy talking to my mom and mother-in-law, and showing them appreciation for what they have done for Brett and me.

The hardest part, for me, is church. It's a wonderful day for honoring mothers, but it's a day where I (we) feel completely left out, our pain overlooked. Brett even more than me, because people do come up and ask if I'm doing ok. They never ask Brett, and it's just as hard on him. He doesn't show it the way I do, but he's hurting too. Our church recently said that motherhood is "the highest, holiest service assumed by humankind. It’s the definition of selfless service. It’s both a daunting responsibility and a glorious opportunity. The divine role of motherhood is a gift from God, and key to his plan of happiness for all his children." And the thing is, I completely agree! However, the majority of speakers in sacrament meeting talk like if you're a woman and don't have kids, you aren't worth anything. At least on this day. Other days, all women are recognized and appreciated for what they bring to the table, mom or not. Mother's Day? Not so much. And at the end of the meeting, they bring around some sort of gift for all the mothers. Which, again, is great! But I'm either overlooked, or I feel like they're giving it to me out of pity. I know that's not how it's meant, but that's what it feels like.

I’m not saying I need you to tiptoe around me. The focus for Mother’s Day shouldn’t be me. But please be understanding. I'm sorry if I'm short with you when you come up to talk to me. I'm barely holding it together.

Three-Pink Baby Tutu

This is an adjustable waistband tutu that should fit your little girl from newborn pictures through elementary school! The waistband stretches, but you can use the ribbon to tighten it so it fits her waist. This one was made custom, but I can make you one just like it!

$30

Animal Print & Rose Tutu Bow Holder

My sister and I made this one for her, and I have enough of the fabric to make another just like it. (Or a little different, if you want). This features tulle and animal print rosettes.

$35

Black & White Tutu Bow Holder

This is the first one that I made - I'm using it for my own hair accessories right now, but I can make another one.

$20

First blog post!

Welcome to our blog! We're not sure how often we'll post, or what we'll post, but we wanted to have something that we can share with our family and friends, and maybe others eventually.