We had planned on waiting about a year after getting married before trying to get pregnant. Before we got married I went to the doctor, and they said that taking birth control pills should regulate my cycles once I stopped taking it. I thought that sounded great, as I had only ever had 2 or 3 cycles my entire life, and knew that it might be a problem when we actually wanted to start trying. They put me on Lutera, the lowest dosage pill available. In September of 2009, I stopped taking birth control. We were thinking it might take a couple of months before it was totally out of my system. We were also thinking that the pill would have regulated my cycle, like the doctor said it would. Wrong! In the more than 4 years since I stopped taking the pill, I have had 2 cycles that weren't started by Provera (hormone pill that stimulates a withdrawal period, like the birth control pill).
We tried for almost two years, and nothing happened. I took pregnancy test after pregnancy test, we looked up ways to improve our chances, and we kept on hoping. In 2011 we finally decided to look into going to a fertility doctor. Our insurance through my job covered primary infertility, but we needed to save the money for the deductible and copays. Before we were able to save the money we needed, I left my job and lost the insurance.
We moved to Logan, UT in September of 2011. Our new (and current) jobs had health insurance benefits, but infertility treatments weren't covered. The company plan was a high deductible HSA (Health Savings Account), and the company contributed a certain amount towards it each month. So we started to put money into the HSA as well, to pay for the fertility treatments. Once we had what we thought would be enough for us to go and do treatments for a while, I went to the Cache Valley Women’s Center and talked to a doctor about our options. They didn’t do more than the most basic of fertility treatments, but we hoped that we wouldn’t need to do more than the basic, and it was a lot cheaper than going straight to a reproductive endocrinologist. When talking to the doctor, and after a bunch of blood tests, we narrowed down what we thought was causing all my symptoms - anovulation, or lack of ovulation. We hoped that Clomid would give my ovaries the push they needed to send an egg. I ended up going through 4 months of treatment there.
Warning - medical stuff. If reading about procedures makes you uncomfortable, you don’t want to read this part
1. The first month I had to take a pregnancy test, then go on 10 days of Provera (to trigger a period), then 5 days of 50mg Clomid. On the 13th day of the cycle, I had to head back into the office for an ultrasound (vaginal - NOT fun!!!) to see if any follicles were developing, and if the uterine lining was thick enough. The first month, the uterine lining was very thin, and I had polycystic ovaries. I had to have them explain what polycystic ovaries meant. The definition is “The follicles have developed from primordial follicles, but the development has stopped ("arrested") at an early antral stage due to the disturbed ovarian function.” Basically, the eggs start to develop, but never get to the stage where the egg is ready to go into the fallopian tube. This is why I have anovulation. That is one effect of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). PCOS can also cause hormone imbalance, extra hair, Insulin resistance, weight issues, and more. My case isn't too bad - my biggest issue is anovulation. The side effects of Clomid this month weren’t too bad. I think I was a little testy, but that’s it.
2. This month also had to start with Provera, and then we did 100mg Clomid. Again, I had to go in for the ultrasound to see how my body was reacting. The lining was better, but ovaries were still polycystic. The side effects of the clomid were getting worse. More moodiness, etc. Brett was really good at helping me deal with it.
3. A common addition to Clomid for those with PCOS is metformin, a diabetes drug, because those with PCOS also often have insulin resistance. So I went in for a glucose test to see if I was insulin resistant, but the test went fine. So I didn’t have metformin the 3rd month. Because I still wasn’t responding (besides the uterine lining, which is weird, cause usually Clomid causes a thinning of the uterine lining), they did the Provera, and bumped up the Clomid to 150mg. The only change was the uterine lining was getting even better, and the side effects of the Clomid were worse. I started to have hot flashes along with the moodiness. I don’t know how Brett put up with me! I wasn’t pleasant to be around. And this was over Christmas time, so I was trying to not show anything to family, and that was hard.
4. The 4th month they added metformin, even though my test was fine, in case the test was just a fluke. I stayed on the Provera, and the 150mg Clomid. The only change was the uterine lining was now in great shape. The doctor said we could try another month and test my pituitary function, but he didn’t sound hopeful. He recommended saving up, and finding a reproductive endocrinologist.
After the last ultrasound appointment, our HSA was almost drained. So we had to regroup, and start saving again. This was really hard for both of us. We were finally making a little progress, and then we had to come to a complete stop again. I wasn’t too broken up about not having to trigger a period every month, but going back to never having a cycle just reminded me more and more that I didn’t have the ability to ovulate. I was very glad to be off Clomid though!
That last appointment was in January of 2013, 3 years and 4 months since we had started trying. We increased our contribution to the HSA, and tried to be patient.
At the end of summer 2013, we thought we had enough money to go through a few more months of treatments, so we scheduled an appointment to talk with a doctor in Sandy on August 31. He was very optimistic, which reassured us greatly! He said he could get us pregnant within at least a year, but probably within 6 months. We were ecstatic when we heard that! And then we found out how much it was all going to cost. What we had in the HSA was enough for maybe the first month, because there are a LOT of tests that need to be done the first month, in conjunction with the actual treatment costs. Now we’re trying to build up enough to pay for that 6 months of treatment, but costs will skyrocket after the first 3 months. That's when, if the first meds/combination of meds aren't working, we would start using the FSH injections (those are more than $1000 a month, not including the extra doctor visits).
So that’s where we are. 4 Years and 5 months of trying (as of April 1, 2014). Tests, treatments, doctor visits, and all. It is really easy to feel bitter, especially when everyone around us seems to be getting pregnant. One thing that we have learned is that instead of avoiding our friends and family when they announce the news of their pregnancy, we need to embrace the excitement. When being so happy for other people, it’s harder to feel so bitter ourselves. Not that it makes it easy. I still cry for a little bit when I get the news that yet another person close to us is pregnant. But now I let myself grieve for a little bit, and then I get excited for them. We never want the fact that we can’t just get pregnant make our friends and family feel like they shouldn’t be happy for their pregnancy. That’s just not fair to them.
If I cry when you tell me you’re pregnant, please know that I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I really am happy for you! I just need a little time - usually just a few minutes off by myself. I really don't need you to apologize, or tell me that "it'll be your time soon". You shouldn't have to apologize for being happy you're pregnant, and when you do it makes me feel worse, because it feels like I'm making a very wonderful thing for you all about me being sad. I never want to do that!
We tried for almost two years, and nothing happened. I took pregnancy test after pregnancy test, we looked up ways to improve our chances, and we kept on hoping. In 2011 we finally decided to look into going to a fertility doctor. Our insurance through my job covered primary infertility, but we needed to save the money for the deductible and copays. Before we were able to save the money we needed, I left my job and lost the insurance.
We moved to Logan, UT in September of 2011. Our new (and current) jobs had health insurance benefits, but infertility treatments weren't covered. The company plan was a high deductible HSA (Health Savings Account), and the company contributed a certain amount towards it each month. So we started to put money into the HSA as well, to pay for the fertility treatments. Once we had what we thought would be enough for us to go and do treatments for a while, I went to the Cache Valley Women’s Center and talked to a doctor about our options. They didn’t do more than the most basic of fertility treatments, but we hoped that we wouldn’t need to do more than the basic, and it was a lot cheaper than going straight to a reproductive endocrinologist. When talking to the doctor, and after a bunch of blood tests, we narrowed down what we thought was causing all my symptoms - anovulation, or lack of ovulation. We hoped that Clomid would give my ovaries the push they needed to send an egg. I ended up going through 4 months of treatment there.
Warning - medical stuff. If reading about procedures makes you uncomfortable, you don’t want to read this part
1. The first month I had to take a pregnancy test, then go on 10 days of Provera (to trigger a period), then 5 days of 50mg Clomid. On the 13th day of the cycle, I had to head back into the office for an ultrasound (vaginal - NOT fun!!!) to see if any follicles were developing, and if the uterine lining was thick enough. The first month, the uterine lining was very thin, and I had polycystic ovaries. I had to have them explain what polycystic ovaries meant. The definition is “The follicles have developed from primordial follicles, but the development has stopped ("arrested") at an early antral stage due to the disturbed ovarian function.” Basically, the eggs start to develop, but never get to the stage where the egg is ready to go into the fallopian tube. This is why I have anovulation. That is one effect of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). PCOS can also cause hormone imbalance, extra hair, Insulin resistance, weight issues, and more. My case isn't too bad - my biggest issue is anovulation. The side effects of Clomid this month weren’t too bad. I think I was a little testy, but that’s it.
2. This month also had to start with Provera, and then we did 100mg Clomid. Again, I had to go in for the ultrasound to see how my body was reacting. The lining was better, but ovaries were still polycystic. The side effects of the clomid were getting worse. More moodiness, etc. Brett was really good at helping me deal with it.
3. A common addition to Clomid for those with PCOS is metformin, a diabetes drug, because those with PCOS also often have insulin resistance. So I went in for a glucose test to see if I was insulin resistant, but the test went fine. So I didn’t have metformin the 3rd month. Because I still wasn’t responding (besides the uterine lining, which is weird, cause usually Clomid causes a thinning of the uterine lining), they did the Provera, and bumped up the Clomid to 150mg. The only change was the uterine lining was getting even better, and the side effects of the Clomid were worse. I started to have hot flashes along with the moodiness. I don’t know how Brett put up with me! I wasn’t pleasant to be around. And this was over Christmas time, so I was trying to not show anything to family, and that was hard.
4. The 4th month they added metformin, even though my test was fine, in case the test was just a fluke. I stayed on the Provera, and the 150mg Clomid. The only change was the uterine lining was now in great shape. The doctor said we could try another month and test my pituitary function, but he didn’t sound hopeful. He recommended saving up, and finding a reproductive endocrinologist.
After the last ultrasound appointment, our HSA was almost drained. So we had to regroup, and start saving again. This was really hard for both of us. We were finally making a little progress, and then we had to come to a complete stop again. I wasn’t too broken up about not having to trigger a period every month, but going back to never having a cycle just reminded me more and more that I didn’t have the ability to ovulate. I was very glad to be off Clomid though!
That last appointment was in January of 2013, 3 years and 4 months since we had started trying. We increased our contribution to the HSA, and tried to be patient.
At the end of summer 2013, we thought we had enough money to go through a few more months of treatments, so we scheduled an appointment to talk with a doctor in Sandy on August 31. He was very optimistic, which reassured us greatly! He said he could get us pregnant within at least a year, but probably within 6 months. We were ecstatic when we heard that! And then we found out how much it was all going to cost. What we had in the HSA was enough for maybe the first month, because there are a LOT of tests that need to be done the first month, in conjunction with the actual treatment costs. Now we’re trying to build up enough to pay for that 6 months of treatment, but costs will skyrocket after the first 3 months. That's when, if the first meds/combination of meds aren't working, we would start using the FSH injections (those are more than $1000 a month, not including the extra doctor visits).
So that’s where we are. 4 Years and 5 months of trying (as of April 1, 2014). Tests, treatments, doctor visits, and all. It is really easy to feel bitter, especially when everyone around us seems to be getting pregnant. One thing that we have learned is that instead of avoiding our friends and family when they announce the news of their pregnancy, we need to embrace the excitement. When being so happy for other people, it’s harder to feel so bitter ourselves. Not that it makes it easy. I still cry for a little bit when I get the news that yet another person close to us is pregnant. But now I let myself grieve for a little bit, and then I get excited for them. We never want the fact that we can’t just get pregnant make our friends and family feel like they shouldn’t be happy for their pregnancy. That’s just not fair to them.
If I cry when you tell me you’re pregnant, please know that I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I really am happy for you! I just need a little time - usually just a few minutes off by myself. I really don't need you to apologize, or tell me that "it'll be your time soon". You shouldn't have to apologize for being happy you're pregnant, and when you do it makes me feel worse, because it feels like I'm making a very wonderful thing for you all about me being sad. I never want to do that!
Love the blog and your comments - you've come a long way! Proud of you both. :)
ReplyDeleteIt really has been a long journey, but I’m glad we’re in a place now where we can talk about it more. I know reading other people’s stories has helped me, and it would be fantastic if what we put on here helps someone else.
DeleteI am glad you are ready to share your journey with us. I had no idea about most of this. I hope you two can stay optimistic, I am certainly pulling for you!
ReplyDelete